I often wonder if the words I write would be sometimes better left unsaid. It is difficult to pull back the curtain of my mind and expose vulnerable places of my personsonality; who I am, what I think, my dislikes and struggles. It is especially difficult when those thoughts may not fit who you think I am or should be. (I was thinking of my confession last week of not liking to snuggle up with dirty children.) It is not always easy to be transparent with you. Sometimes I must force myself to actually post what I write. But I do it both for me and for you.
For me, it allows me the opportunity to be real, to show that God often stretches us and asks us to do things that don’t always come easy. Sharing is a good exercise in humility. For you, my writing serves to prove that, although a missionary, I am human like you, no Super Woman here, just a woman, following God, with struggles and doubts and days filled with much of the same things as yours. So sharing keeps both of us from thinking to highly of me, and that is a good thing.
Sometimes I feel the need to say things because I’ve seen a number of pastors and missionaries that present a very staunch pious facade for the outside world to see, when in fact they are as ordinary as the next person; people with similar struggles, difficulties, and weaknesses. It is good that you know we are human.
As I write, my prayer is that you are drawn closer to Jesus. If you see Him, or are inspired to think about Him or seek Him in some way, then I am thankful for the opportunity to give you a glimpse behind the mask.
With Psalms 19:14 as my mantra, I pray that my words and thoughts would bring God glory. In the end, that is what really counts.
“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength and my redeemer.”