When He said “No”. 

When He said “No”, it felt like my world was crashing in around me. I was devistated, angry and became  bitter. My reaction to His omnipotete decision set in motion a chain of events which effected me to my core.
I’ve heard that almost everyone who suffers from fibromyalgia can pinpoint a trigger, an event that happened in their lives which caused Fibro to begin. Losing Faith was my trigger. Her name was Faith and when she died that day, my faith in God almost died with her. After her death, I spent a lot of time asking God, “Why?”.
One of those “why” questions goes like this, “If God is loving, then why do bad things happen to good people.” I must have asked this question a thousand times. But what I failed to realize was that this statement assumes two things. The first assumption is that people are basically good. The second assumption is that the difficulties of life are the worst things which could possible happen to us.
Regarding the first, the Bible tells us that ALL have sinned. It is also very clear that we all deserve to be punished for our sins. In essence there are no good people. We are all undeserving sinners. None of us are entitled to continual blessing…all sunshine without rain. 
Secondly, we falsely assume that the worst things that happen to us are the difficulties we face in life; loosing a child, having cancer, filing bankruptcy. When in fact the worst thing that can happen to us has nothing whatsoever to do with temporal circumstances but rather eternal ones. The absolute worst thing which can happen to us would be to live our lives apart from God and spend a hellish eternity banished from His presence. 
Because of God’s great love for us, He chose to pay our death sentence. Through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross He payed the penalty for our sins and bought the right for us to become sons and daughters of God. It is remarkable that God would love mankind so much that He would give His own Son to pay a penalty which He did not owe. Because God loves us and wants to spend Eternity with us, He sacrificed to make that dream a reality. Although this is clearly the action of a loving God, in our finite comprehension we often misunderstood and reject Him, accusing Him of not caring for us, when life doesn’t go as we desire. 
Since God’s thoughts and ways are more complex than ours we often fail to realize that He is much more interested in our personal character and our relationship with Him than He is our immediate comfort.  God allows trials and hardships in our lives which no doubt cause many to realize their need for Him and consequently come into His loving arms. When God allows difficulties in our lives, it is not because He doesn’t care about us, on the contrary it is a demonstration of His deep love for us and desire for our greater good. 
It took a while for me to quit wallowing in pity and to realize God’s great plan for me. By saying “No” , He was able to get my attention. Little by little, I became teachable. I realized that I had loved the idea of God more than I actually loved Him. Eventually I let go of my anger and fell in love with Him. Like Jacob who wrestled with God and walked with a limp afterwords, I too walk with a limp. Fibromyalgia is my constant reminder of God’s faithfulness and love for me. It keeps me ever aware that I am not self sufficient and therefore highlights my  need for Him. It also reminds me that God’s love for me is so great that He would allow temporary discomfort in my life which constantly draws me into His loving arms. 

(May is Fibromyalgia Awareness Month.)


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