I was five months pregnant and my baby died….I remember the excitment as I neared the day for my ultrasound, but when I woke early that morning I was feeling sluggish. After I got out of bed, I discovered that I was bleeding and knew that was not a good sign. I called my doctor who suggested I go to the ultrasound immediately. I wasn’t prepared when they told me that they could not find a heartbeat.
I left the clinic in disbelief and headed home. While on the phone with my doctor, he asked if I wanted to go to the hospital immediately or wait a few days. It was the day before Zion’s birthday and I just couldn’t bare having a still born on her special day. Besides, I had great faith that God would raise my baby back to life. So, instead of heading to the hospital, I choose to wait.
Later that afternoon some pastor friends came over and we prayed, we asked God to revive that precious life within me. At the end of our prayers we went together to have a second ultrasound. Call me crazy, but, I fully expected to see that blinking heart on the monitor. I wanted to be able to tell of God’s documented miracle on our behalf. When that didn’t happen I was shocked and devistated. Little by little the hurt turned to bitterness.
I have always been a woman of faith believing God to take care of me and meet my needs. Doesn’t His Word say that if you have faith the size of a mustard seed that you can ask whatever you want and it will be given to you? What was wrong? Why was this promise not working? I was so confident that He would give me a great story of faithfulness to shout from the roof tops. And when it didn’t happen as I hoped it would, I was angry.
I’ve heard people claim that God doesn’t answer prayers. And if they are referring to the fact that God doesn’t always give us whatever we ask for, then perhaps they are right. But God is not a genie in a bottle waiting to grant our every wish. Instead, He is an all powerful God whose ways and thoughts are higher than ours. His wisdom far outreaches ours and his knowledge is beyond compare. He knows what experiences will help build our character and ultimately draw us closer to Him. And that is far more important to Him than granting our every desire.
Just yesterday my youngest daughter asked me if she could drink a soda before bed. Knowing that it would keep her awake at night and possibly cause her to wet the bed, my answer was wait until lunch time tomorrow. My older daughter asked if she could go to a friends house after school. Although we don’t normally go to friends homes on school nights, she needed to finish a school project, so the answer was yes. Yet another daughter was invited to a special event with a friend on Friday during the day. Because she had an exam at school that day, it would not be prudent for her to miss school so my answer was, no. When I answer my daughters petitions, I normally have 3 possible answers: Yes, No and Later. I believe that God also responds to our request using these same answers.
It took a while for me to realize that God DID answer my prayer that day. Although I didn’t get the answer I was hoping for, I learned that God is more than a puppet on a string saying yes to my every request. He is wise and all knowing. Through His infinite wisdom He is always faithful to answer our prayers. Sometimes He says, “yes” and sometimes He says “later”,but that day, He said “No”!