Have you ever been alone with Him?
Inspired by: Oswald Chambers’ question for January 12.
I used to think that I loved you. I enjoyed reading your Word, I loved leading worship and being a missionary. Then one day you got my attention, and for a little while I was utterly devastated. I was so hurt and bitter towards you. I felt you had turned your back and betrayed me. You had taken away my joy and like a child, I was disappointed!
Oh how shallow I was, how full of pride. I was so stubborn, that it took you a long time to get my attention. I could not hear your still small voice above my screams. I was broken and of no use. My emotions and spirit were crushed and my health was soon to follow. I lay in bed numb to the emotional pain. Depression closed in around me. The only hope I found was the fact that I still talked to you. Mostly I just asked you, “Why?”But the mere fact that I asked, let me know that I still believed in You. And that gave me comfort.
Slowly, Your light began to return to my heart. You showed me things that I did not know about myself, things that I had not wanted to know about myself. Then you helped me let go of them. It was a slow process….a difficult process. Finally You brought me to the point that I was thankful that You had gotten my attention. Thankful that You had answered my prayer. I know you remember that prayer….the one where I asked you to do”whatever it takes” to make me like you. I remembered one day and my jaw dropped open. I remembered that before “You got my attention”, I had actually uttered that prayer. (Boy, I’ll think long and hard before praying ” that” prayer again.) Finally I realized that everything had happened for MY good, for MY benefit. You had taken me at my word. In fact it was You all along who had placed that prayer in my heart. I stood in awe!
Then something wonderful happened. I began to fall in love with YOU, and not just the idea of serving You.
This love was different from the first. It was deeper and not quite as one sided. You had given me insight which I did not possess before. And I knew beyond doubt, that I was not worthy… I am not worthy! Now, I stand in awe and am eternally grateful that you took the time to stop me in my tracks and get my attention. Like Robert Frost’s, Road Less Traveled, It has made all the difference.